life in these united states

life in these united states
Originally uploaded by a nameless yeast.

I had a great time at the dentist last week. My hygienist rocks. I'll call her Ginny. She reminds me of Doris Day, and is always good for a story. I never believed the stories in my blog were true before thursday.


Last summer my dentist left her practice. Her replacement was Dr. V, a drop-dead gorgeous Finnish woman fresh out of dental school with raven hair and green eyes and dripping with bling. I would have let her do most anything to me. Except follow through. I was supposed to have a follow-up a few weeks later but the office had to cancel and I never rescheduled.

She didn't work out. Ginny told me Dr. V turned out to be something of a princess. She didn't respect the staff; she'd show up to work in tight skirts and high heels; she wouldn't wear a labcoat (and the spring line was especially fetching); she let her long silky raven locks flow down unrestrained. And that was her undoing, as a silky strand fell onto a little old lady's false teeth.

Ginny went on scraping my teeth. I lay supine, and after a few moments of silence, confessed, "I'm still thinking of Dr. V in a tight skirt and high heels." Ginny, the dear, waved her hands over my face and offered to hose me down.

That's when she told me about the thong. How could you tell? Dr. V had leaned over the receptionist's desk in such a way that you knew.

I have changed names and, I hope, enough details, to evade charges of libel. I'd be happy to refer readers to Dr. V. but she left no forwarding info. I can recommend a swell hygienist.